We begin with the party fragmented. Emily is being taken care of by the Dryads in a hole filled with artificial sunlight. Ug, Arthur and Mishkal have been taken captive by the orcs. Beard is, literally, fragmented - hit over the head very hard by an axe. The party's survival rests in the hands of one being. Unfortunately that being is Confucious the Mynah Bird. Roll the cameras...
Confucious decided the best move was to go for reinforcements. He headed back to the Dryad encampment where he found Emily sitting in a hole talking to Margaret. The hole was a tropical paradise, lit by a globe of captured sunlight and filled with exotic plants. Margaret was pouring over an ancient book, looking for cures for Emily's disease. Finally she found something that would flush the system of evil. Fortunately, this evil laxative could be made using plants found in this very hole. Unfortunately, the Dryads were extremely protective of the foliage. Confucious came flying into the encampment gibbering about the party being capured in the woods. Hearing this, Emily decided headed off to save them - despite the danger to her health.
Along with a couple of Dryads, Emily quickly found the site of the battle. And most of Beard. The Dryads gathered up the pieces and offered to take them back to the grove whilst Emily went after the rest of the party. Tracking the orcs was easy - they hadn't exactly tried to remain hidden and Confucious could easily see them from above. A few hours later, Emily was close to them and thinking about a way to free the party from the band. The band consisting of... many orcs... In the future, she decided, she would find a scout who could count. Anyway, it seemed best to split the orcs and eliminate them individually so it was time for a fire...
Meanwhile the party had been carted along, being forced to put up with the orcs constant taunts and abuse. One nasty orc called Nig discovered Ug could speak Orc and described in great detail exactly what was going to happen to them once they reached the camp. It didn't sound pleasent, but it smelt worse - Nig didn't floss regularly. Mishkal was having a rough time of it too. He had made such a fuss when the orcs removed his Pelor-endorsed breastplate that the orcs had given it back to him to carry. Along with everyone elses armour. Suddenly one of the orcs noticed a column of smoke rising from the woods nearby. Two scouts decided to go and investigate.
Back in the woods, Emily watched as two orcs closed on her position. And walked straight through her tripwire traps without even noticing them. Resolving to learn to tie a decent knot, Emily sneaked through the undergrowth and, as the orcs divided to look around the seemingly empty campsite with the merrily burning fire, she leaped out on one of the creatures and slit his throat, nearly chopping his head off. The orc died without a sound and Emily appropriated his javalin before hiding the body and stealthing back into the undergrowth. The second orc, wondering where his friend had gone, came around the fire and into view... Emily took aim... the javilin flew straight and true. Just not at the orc. With a roar of anger, the beast leaped at Emily before stopping in confusion as something started shouting about being the great wizard Agamemnon and being about to destroy him where he stood. Clearly not having studied the works of Homer, the orc failed to realise Agamemnon was not in fact a wizard and was unlikely to be present in a wood.
Emily slipped back into the bushes before leaping out on the orc. The orc saw her coming a mile off and easily blocked the knife before proceeding beat the hell out of the bald girl. Deciding he might have some fun with the pretty human later, the orc poured some healing potion down Emily's throat which brought her around - however she quickly realised she was far better off "dead" so lay very still. Wondering why his potion wasn't working, the orc returned to his band.
A few minutes later, the party saw one of the scouts returning with a limp Emily and seemingly no real concern for the disappearence of his friend. The band picked up again and moved off in the direction of the Orc village. They reached it early evening.
On reaching the village, Emily was deposited in her new friend's hut whilst the rest of the party was dragged before the Orc King. There they were presented as gifts, and sentenced to "the pit" which didn't sound overly friendly. The orcs also investigated Beard's Bag-O-Stuff from the ruined towers and found a magical chain. On waving it round, it grew into a spiked chain and wrapped itself round the weilders neck, killing him instantly. King Orc was displeased and, in true badguy style, executed the leader of the patrol in a fit of pique. The party was then dragged outside to be taken to "the pit". Ug, however, had discovered Nig couldn't tie ropes terribly well and had managed to loosen his bonds...
Meanwhile, Emily had been left alone. Quickly she searched the hut, finding a few healing liquids and stocking up on weapons for the party. Moving silently to the entrance, she saw Confucious fliting about above the village. She encouraged him to cause a disturbance whilst she went after the party. Unfortunately, she failed to specify quite what said distraction should be so once again The Great Wizard Agamemnon appeared in bird form and threatened to destroy things with fire. Deciding to make the ruse a little more believable, Emily set fire to the hut she was hiding in before leaping out and heading for cover. It is unrecorded whether Confucious believed he was the one who set fire to the hut.
As the fire caught, orcs began running about and Ug siezed his chance. Quickly throwing aside his bonds, he siezed Nig's falcion and decapitated him. Then he charged about slaying orcs left and right before he came up against King Orc and his posse. Emily sneaked up to the party and managed to cut Arthur's bonds before giving him a sword, looted from the hut. Arthur also went chop-happy as he hacked his way through the village, wishing he had his armour on.
As Ug faced down King Orc and his men, felling a few before being battered to the ground, and Emily kept Arthur on his feet by chucking healing potions at him, Confucious dug his way through the thatched roof of the orc hall, looking for Beard's bag of magic stuff. Finding a random ring, he put it on and managed to conjure three spheres of lightening. These he used to zap a few orcs before hurling one at King Orc and being speared by a javalin.
King Orc had been wounded by Ug but was now standing over his body facing Emily - the only member of the party still standing. She leaped into a hut and he followed where, after a flurry of blows, he was knicked with one of Emily's knives and, like a big girl, fell over. Emily quickly dragged Arthur inside and started hunting for healing potions whilst orcs surrounded the place. They demanded she came out, whilst she decided to carry on from the Mynah Bird and proclaimed that, as the Great Wizard Agamemnon, she would burn the rest of the village down if they came any nearer. This gave them pause - the Great Wizard had thusfar tourched several buildings and conjured lightening from the air. The pause gave Emily time to find healing and apply it to Arthur.
Outside, the orcs had had enough and decided if anyone was going to burn down their village it was going to be them. They demanded "Agamemnon" come out or they would burn the hut down. At that moment Emily cut her way out of the side of the hut and raced over to the downed Confucious, reasoning that the only way they were going to escape was with whatever magic item the bird had found. Healing Mishkal on the way, she sent him to rescue Ug whilst she healed the bird and managed to find the ring. Just as she picked it up, Confucious woke up and, deciding he liked POWER, shoved his claw through the ring, activating it again. This time was a little less successful than the last and one of the lightening orbs appeared on top of himself and Emily. She dodged. He didn't. ZAP and the smell of burned chicken...
The fires in the village were starting to rage out of control and, with their king dead, the orcs were becoming more interested in saving their homes than killing the intruders. The party took advantage of the momentary lull in combat to throw on their armour whilst Emily nipped into the Hall searching for Ug's axe and more healing and finding Beard's Bag-O-Stuff.
With the village in flames and orcs running round incoherently, the party decided it was time to retreat. Legging it for the woods, they suddenly realised much time had passed, it was getting dark, and Emily's ears were reaching her knees...